3 min read

On asking for help

On asking for help

Sometimes you land in a situation from which you can't get out by yourself.
It totally sucks, but there's no way around it, it'll happen to you.

It took me a long time before I learned to identify these situations, admit that I need help and ask for help.
But after every time I asked for helped I said: "I wish I had got help sooner!".
It made me feel less alone in this world.

While I still suck at asking for help, I'm sharing below things that helped me, in case it'll help someone.

Helping others is the easy part for me, but asking for help? That's not my thing.

I love helping people! It's one of my favourite things, but asking for help and getting help?! Feels like I'm imposing myself on someone else.
Feels like I'm admitting I'm not good. So I avoided it.

One of the biggest realizations I had was:

Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness.

Once I started asking people for help and consulting them our relationships became stronger. It forced me to open up, to share my struggles. Sometimes they opened up more to me.
And all of them wanted me to succeed.
It was a breath of fresh air.

Getting help is great for both sides.
Getting help is great for both sides. The person getting help overcomes a challenge, and simply doesn't feel alone.

The Helper gets to feel the joy of knowing he helped someone's life sucks a bit less or move closer to their dreams.
People love helping others.
You're helping the world Fight Entropy.

How to ask for help?

This is the outline for asking for help.

  1. Identify you're stuck
  2. Admit you need help - The hardest part!
  3. Ask for help
  4. Update your helper

How do you identify you're stuck?

Is there an issue you've been trying to solve for a while?
Have you avoided it or tried multiple approaches but none of them worked? Or didn't stick?
If you didn't consult or share it with anyone, it's time.

Admit you need help

This is the hardest part. At least for me.

It simultaneously creates a lump in your throat and untangles a knot in your belly.

For me it's saddening that I haven't been able to overcome the issue myself. But it also comes with the hope that I'll finally be able to overcome and solve my issue.

Another hard part is overcoming the fear of sharing and opening up. what I use here is the:

Reverse birthday rule

You know how you were told that you're not supposed to tell anyone your birthday wish, because it won't happen? That's just wrong!

The more people you tell your wish the more likely it is to happen!

Ask for help

It's important to ask for help from the right person, but don't let this stop you.
People love helping others. So quickly make a list of people you know or can easily reach.
Who should you put on your list? People you trust. People you want to hear their opinions. Experts.
Concerned about reaching out to someone? A rule of thumb I use:
How would you react if this person asked you for help?

Write a summary of your problem, and the dilemma you're facing.

Reach out to the first person on your list, tell them you're facing a challenge and would like their help. Get their feedback ask questions.

Put your ego aside and really listen! Remember you approached them for help.

Thank the Helper for taking the time to help you!

Take at 5 minutes to write down the main points you took from the conversation.
If needed update your problem summary and framing.


Shot the person that helped you a quick note. Let them know what you did following your conversation.



Reading about self-improvement is nice, but it can easily become a hidden for of excuses and procrastination. Two serial-killers of progress.
I challenge you to explicitly reach out and ask for help from someone this week.

Bonus points: DM me and let me know you did it and how it went.

Work in progress

I'm still working on myself to improve at asking for help. I hope this post will help you overcome your challenges and move closer to your dreams.
You don't have to face everything alone.

If you have any questions, suggestions, ideas, tips, thoughts, please share how I can ask for more help pls send them over.