Stop being a Solution Vending Machine
Are you a solution vending machine?
Someone shares a challenge, you listen for 30 seconds, then you dispense advice: "Have you tried...?" "You should just..." "What if you..."
I'm a recovering solution vending machine.
A friend mentions relationship troubles? Cha-ching - here's your relationship advice.
Colleague struggling with a decision? Click-whir - three actionable steps, delivered hot and fresh.
The problem isn't that my solutions are bad. Often they are quite good. The problem is that:
- People don't change from advice - they change from understanding.
- I was providing solutions because I thought that if I don't give value, they won't like me or want to be near me. I was wrong.
I used to think: Value = Solutions delivered
Now I think: Value = Hearing and seeing them and if possible bringing clarity
Most of the time, people don't need you to spit out a solution. They can get solutions from ChatGPT.
What they can't get is someone who truly sees them.
They need a mirror to reflect the situation as clearly as possible.
They need to feel heard and seen, to understand the full complexity of their situation without anyone rushing to fix or judge them.
Think about the last time someone really helped you with a problem. Was it because they gave you the perfect answer? Or was it because they helped you understand your own situation so clearly that the path forward became obvious?
The magic isn't in the solutions you provide - it's in the clarity you create.
Once I shifted from solving to listening and understanding, something interesting happened. People began saying things like "You really get what I'm going through, thank you for seeing me".
They started coming back to talk more. Which is great for me, because I love talking with people.
Your urge to solve isn't wrong - it comes from a good place. But next time someone shares a challenge, imagine a different machine - a "window cleaning machine".
Instead of dispensing solutions, it clears the dirt, allowing them to see reality better, using questions.
Think 'What would help them see this situation more clearly?' or 'What would make them feel truly heard?
Often the most valuable thing you can offer isn't an answer at all. It's simply helping someone understand what they're really asking.
The solution vending machine might feel helpful, but a good mirror is transformative.
The next time you feel that familiar itch to solve, pause.
Listen deeper.
Reflect what you're hearing.
Replace exclamation marks with questions marks
You'll be surprised by how much more valuable you become when you stop trying to be the person with all the answers and start being the person who helps others find their own.
When you become someone who creates clarity rather than provides solutions, you don't just help people solve problems - you help them rewrite how they see themselves and their challenges.
Here's a simple and practical method you can start using right away to make people feel heard.
What vending machines have you been operating in your life? And what would happen if you switched them off?
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