Feb 27, 2023 9 min read Building my life

How to stop feeling lost - With a compass!

Take the first step towards the life you want

The North Star method is the most powerful tool I use to make progress towards the life I want. It's the base on which all other tools are built.
It's straightforward, and you can start using it right away to build the life you want.

It's a compass to find your way in life.
It’s a pool from which you draw motivation and get out of bed in the morning.
No more wrestling yourself out of bed in the morning.
You do the things that you know are good for you, because you want to do them.

Your improvement curve will shot up.

As a Product Manager I regularly used this method to make decisions. The real magic started once I started applying this to my life.

It’s literally been a life changer.
Shifting my self perception from: "Lazy person that doesn’t follow through."
To: "Go-getter. taking control of his life."
My actions and decisions are guided by my North Star.

I have more control of my life, and less suffering from frustration, anxiety and stress.
No fighting myself to do the things that are good for me.

I was able to put in place all the habits I knew I should, but was never able to:

Stoped smoking weed (I was smoking daily)
Started going to bed early
Wake up earlier
Workout
Meditate
Tidy the house
Prepare for the coming day
Spend quality time with my family
and much more...

Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, I don't do these 100% of time (yet).
I’m far from the life I want, but this move me closer to it.

Enjoy the wonderful feeling of self-alignment.

When your actions are moving you closer to the life you want.
It’s a wonderful feeling.
Get a taste of it, you’ll be hooked.

Most people fail to build the life they want because they focus on methods, techniques, tips and hacks. They look at the trees, and miss the forest.
They don’t have a guiding star to point them in the right direction, and fuel them to keep going.

Most people don’t have an answer to the question: “Why am I doing this to myself?!”
They don’t know what they're working towards, no clear definition of what does success look like.
They’re forcing themselves to do things. But this doesn’t stick, they get frustrated and quit.

Imagine a life where you’re not fighting yourself to do the right thing.
Eating healthy or working out comes easily.

There's no magic here. It'll require you to work.

The fact you want to work towards the life you want is admirable.
You might not be happy or in the place you hoped to be, but I appreciate the fact you’re working to change this. I know the feeling.
Now the best time to start.

Stick with it, be patient and kind to yourself, you’ll find your way.
Message me when it gets hard, or when you have a win. I want to support and lift you up!

Star with your definition of success.

A clear definition of success is a compass

This compass will tell you what’s right for you. The needle will guide you towards your North Star. But you have to observe it.
It’ll teach you to listen to yourself.
You’ll feel it in your gut, you’ll easily know what’s the right move for you.

Should you stay up late or go to bed early?
Should you have another beer?
Should you play another game of Clash Royale?
Should you plump in the couch doom scrolling?

Start looking at your compass. Without it you're lost.
Ask yourself which actions will move you towards the life you want? And watch the compass needle point you in the right direction.

The North Star method

Sit and write in detail your definition of success

This doesn’t have to be a grand 20 years plan, start small (see my example below).
If you can’t think of anything, pick an area of frustration in your life, make "fixing" it your definition of success. Your North Star.

You’ll use it know what's the right decision and action. Are they moving you towards your North Star or away of it?

For me it was:
I want the mornings in our home to be calm.
No shouting, stress, and fighting.
No last minute scrambling for clothes and food.
Everyone should leave the houseon time, ready for the day ahead and in a good mood.
Context - With 3 kids our mornings used to be full of stress, shouting and fighting.
This made me miserable and my days started like shit 💩

The Circuit Breaker

Whenever there’s a choice or you’re doing something, break the automatic action. use the Circuit Breaker. Ask yourself:
“Will this move me towards my North Star?” Than listen to your compass.
You'll know the right answer.

Whenever I wanted to smoke a joint, I'd ask myself:
"Will it move me closer to a calm morning?" I'd then watch my compass needle point the right direction.
The compass never lied.

Here's a template you can use to build your own circuit breaker:
Whenever I [WANT TO DO THING], I’ll ask myself: will this move me closer to my [NORTH STAR]. And I’ll look at my compass needle.

This is the hardest part, having this question pop in your mind.

The daily reflections will help with this as well.

Reflection

An important part of navigating is looking up to see that you’re moving in the right direction.
At the end of the day ask yourself if you were able to make progress towards your north star?
Don’t aim for 100%, the main thing is to keep reflecting daily. Over time your inner alignment will prevail and you’ll follow your compass more consistently.
What worked? What didn’t work? What could you remove or add?

You can take a look at my 5-minute daily reflection.

Accountability

Most of us don't do what we said we would. It's human nature.
But make someone write their name, or commit publicly to something? That’s a whole different ball game.
You can use this to your own advantage.

Tell someone what you’re focusing on, what you’re trying to do. Share with them your progress, and have them ask you questions about it.
Avoid falling into the trap of glorifying your progress and efforts. Share the truth, warts and fall. Struggles, loses and wins.

This isn't set in stone

Every once in a while examine your definition of success, and refine it.
The better you can articulate what you want the more likely you are to reach it.

TL;DR

Write down in detail your definition of success. This will be your North Star.
Use the circuit breaker. Use your internal compass when there’s a decision “Is this moving me closer to my North Star?”
Reflect on this. Am I listening to my Compass? Am I moving towards my North Star?
Accountability - Have someone to help you hold the course and celebrate. If you can’t find an accountability partner, send me a note I’ll be your partner.
Look up once in a while examine your North Star, make sure it's calibrated, that it still calibrated what you want to accomplish.
P.S.
Is there any question you'd like to ask me about Twitter monetization? I made so many mistakes that I know exactly what NOT to do lol